Two Week Project

I went to counseling today.

Kendal and I were given a two week project. This one sounds kind of nice on the surface, but when the reality of it sinks in, no thanks.

Here are the parameters:

I can only make Breakfast and Dinner. Kendal is in charge of lunch.

I have to relax in the lounge chair while Kendal makes lunch and after dinner while Kendal cleans the kitchen.

I cannot clean until after 2 p.m. each day, and I can only do it one time.

The kitchen can only be cleaned by me twice in one day.

Need to look into a cleaning service.

No mopping.

Doesn't it sound dreamy for some outside source to tell you NOT to clean. And not only NOT clean, but to put your feet up and relax. Eat your lunch in your lounge chair if that's where you are comfortable and for heaven's sake, Get a Maid!

Here's the dilemma. Along with being told you can't do the things you are "known" for doing, you also have to give into the idea that you are handicapped.

I was given the example of someone that has the handicap of blindness. She in not held to the same expectations as someone with sight. I am now working on the idea that I am no longer to compare myself or hold myself to the same expectations as the "normal/average" 31 year old woman. My pain and back issues determine just how much I am to do, what I am and am not to do. Instead of, I "should" be able to do this or that, my reality is, I can't or shouldn't.

These next couple weeks are going to be difficult and I am going to have to deal with feelings of guilt, shame, feeling like I need to pay my husband back or work to sell more jewelry to pay for a housecleaner. I will keep you posted on how this is all going to play out.

This is my two week project, stay tuned.