Boy or Girl?

I am sitting in great anticipation!  We have just another day and a half to wait to find out if we are having a bouncing baby boy or squishy baby girl.  I have waited for this moment since we found out we were expecting, 16 long weeks ago.
After two miscarriages and coming to the conclusion that the Lord had closed a door on any future children, at least from my womb, he blessed us with a pregnancy.
On February 2nd, as I realized the dream was over and we miscarried, I told Kendal that if the Lord had ever blessed us with a baby, a daughter, that I would remove the second middle name of Marie, and exchange it for Grace.  God's grace.  That He would show His heart for us through another baby felt out of this world.   Sure enough, 2 weeks later, I was pregnant.

Tomorrow, the truth will be known and I kind of have my heels dug in, not wanting to know because it could be a boy.  I can't take it back, I can't 'un-know' it.  We will move forward, no matter what, with joy, eventually.

Not that I would be sad that it is a boy.  I have LOVED my sweet baby boys, they are so easy, predictable (when they were babies), content, cuter than bugs.  An additional boy to this family would be a fairly easy transition.  It would be so familiar.  Just think of the sports they could play together :)

 Lucas Alan Fitchett, July 24, 2004

Jonah Clark, July 2, 2006

Silas Kendal, January 27th, 2008

Abram Kilby, December 1st, 2009

My fear in finding out is that if we find out it is a boy, I anticipate going through the emotions again of not having a daughter.  I will have to anticipate what grief will look like, again.  

I laid in bed a couple nights ago, not being able to sleep and I went through some of the emotions of finding out the sex.  I have to be honest, when it came to thinking of it being a boy, my first emotion wasn't all too positive.  That brings guilt, because obviously a baby, no matter the sex, is a joy.   It's just something I will have to wrap my heart and mind around.  

Being apart of a small group of parents that have 5 boys is a pretty cool thing.  I take on the task as a mother of 5 boys with the idea that God knows I can handle 5 boys.  Better yet, Kendal can handle 5 boys.  I would like to think that Kendal is such an incredible father that the Lord gave him 5 boys to raise into God-fearing, gentle, loving, hardworking men.   

A girl would round out the mix a little.  It would be so good for our boys to understand and experience having a sister.  We would have an in-house little person that they can practice their manners on ;)  Learn how to treat ladies besides with just their Mother.  They can know what it is like to protect a gal and to speak gently. 

Oh, my head whirls. 

I will be thankful when tomorrow is over and it will be known.  I can either start my grief, and start to anticipate another Fitchett boy, or I will run straight to Target to put my hands on everything polka dot and pink. 

Again, don't get me wrong, whatever the sex will be great, the Lord has given us another baby and that is the most important.  I am happy to be a Mom 5 times over, no matter what.