5 days
The countdown continues. My hope is that it would just skip to 0 today. This has been the. longest. pregnancy. ever. No, seriously! I thought (and everyone said), "oh, you're so busy, it will fly by." Like I said, I thought that would be how it would play out too. The truth is, I sat, a lot. I was sick, the whole time. I had pain, every minute.
Now, don't get me wrong, there were up times. After the first 5 months of totally draining morning sickness and withdrawal from the morphine, I started to enjoy some things. I loved being at Family Reunion, The 4th of July out in Ridgefield with family, planting and maintaining my garden, being at the Lane County Fair with my Aunt and Uncle and family. I guess there was a 'family theme' this Summer :)
As I look over my calendar from the last nine months, everything seems like it was just yesterday. I wonder how that can be, the time didn't 'fly' by any stretch of the imagination.
I didn't sleep well last night, not sure why. I suppose I am being prepared for the arrival of those nights of wide eyed baby stares. I would love if the quietness of our room and the racing of my thoughts would be diverted by contractions or something exciting. Alas, I toss and turn and feel my pain, lay there debating if I get up and take medicine or just turn the TV on and hope that I lose myself in another episode of "Boy Meets World" until I drift back to sleep. Thankfully I did fall back to sleep eventually.
This morning as I remember my new focus of Joy, my pain has flared. It's not because my focus is different, it just happened that way. Awesome. I'm not asking Jesus for anything this week, only that my focus would be on Thanksgiving and Joy.
So I'll start,
I am thankful that I have my health. For my children and their health, for Kendal and his. Thankful for my home that keeps me safe and warm. For our fireplace that gives me the warm fuzzies. For only 5 days left until we start labor. For my daughter that I never thought I would have. For clean laundry, for a dinner table that seats 7, for the cutest 2 year old ever in his jammies, dancing to any music that comes on the TV. For my laptop. For people that encourage, even though my brain won't accept it, I try to recognize it as truth, or at the very least for what it is, encouragement. For Fall and the anticipation of the Holidays. For my husband and his ever-willingness to help me, and his words of "go sit down, I'll take care of it." For a sweet nursery that feeds my soul. For God's provision, always.
"Train me, GOD, to walk straight; then I’ll follow your true path. Put me together, one heart and mind; then, undivided, I’ll worship in joyful fear. From the bottom of my heart I thank you, dear Lord; I’ve never kept secret what you’re up to. You’ve always been great toward me—what love! You snatched me from the brink of disaster! God, these bullies have reared their heads! A gang of thugs is after me— and they don’t care a thing about you. But you, O God, are both tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never quit. So look me in the eye and show kindness, give your servant the strength to go on, save your dear, dear child! Make a show of how much you love me so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed, As you, GOD, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet."
Psalms 86:11-17 (The Message)
***Update***
It is only about 5 or so hours into my day and the more I push toward Jesus, the more Satan pulls on me. My morning has been rough. I'm just done. I know Jesus is aware of how I feel and I am still not asking for anything, I need to just Thank Him. To be honest, I'm feeling too weak to not succumb to satan's lies.
This practice in discipline has made me vulnerable to attacks. I knew it full well before I committed. I will stay committed to the discipline, just as I have always stayed committed to trusting that Jesus will pull me through, again. "So look me in the eye and show kindness, give your servant the strength to go on, save your dear, dear child. Make a show of how much you love me so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed, as you, God, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet."
Now, don't get me wrong, there were up times. After the first 5 months of totally draining morning sickness and withdrawal from the morphine, I started to enjoy some things. I loved being at Family Reunion, The 4th of July out in Ridgefield with family, planting and maintaining my garden, being at the Lane County Fair with my Aunt and Uncle and family. I guess there was a 'family theme' this Summer :)
As I look over my calendar from the last nine months, everything seems like it was just yesterday. I wonder how that can be, the time didn't 'fly' by any stretch of the imagination.
I didn't sleep well last night, not sure why. I suppose I am being prepared for the arrival of those nights of wide eyed baby stares. I would love if the quietness of our room and the racing of my thoughts would be diverted by contractions or something exciting. Alas, I toss and turn and feel my pain, lay there debating if I get up and take medicine or just turn the TV on and hope that I lose myself in another episode of "Boy Meets World" until I drift back to sleep. Thankfully I did fall back to sleep eventually.
This morning as I remember my new focus of Joy, my pain has flared. It's not because my focus is different, it just happened that way. Awesome. I'm not asking Jesus for anything this week, only that my focus would be on Thanksgiving and Joy.
So I'll start,
I am thankful that I have my health. For my children and their health, for Kendal and his. Thankful for my home that keeps me safe and warm. For our fireplace that gives me the warm fuzzies. For only 5 days left until we start labor. For my daughter that I never thought I would have. For clean laundry, for a dinner table that seats 7, for the cutest 2 year old ever in his jammies, dancing to any music that comes on the TV. For my laptop. For people that encourage, even though my brain won't accept it, I try to recognize it as truth, or at the very least for what it is, encouragement. For Fall and the anticipation of the Holidays. For my husband and his ever-willingness to help me, and his words of "go sit down, I'll take care of it." For a sweet nursery that feeds my soul. For God's provision, always.
"Train me, GOD, to walk straight; then I’ll follow your true path. Put me together, one heart and mind; then, undivided, I’ll worship in joyful fear. From the bottom of my heart I thank you, dear Lord; I’ve never kept secret what you’re up to. You’ve always been great toward me—what love! You snatched me from the brink of disaster! God, these bullies have reared their heads! A gang of thugs is after me— and they don’t care a thing about you. But you, O God, are both tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never quit. So look me in the eye and show kindness, give your servant the strength to go on, save your dear, dear child! Make a show of how much you love me so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed, As you, GOD, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet."
Psalms 86:11-17 (The Message)
***Update***
It is only about 5 or so hours into my day and the more I push toward Jesus, the more Satan pulls on me. My morning has been rough. I'm just done. I know Jesus is aware of how I feel and I am still not asking for anything, I need to just Thank Him. To be honest, I'm feeling too weak to not succumb to satan's lies.
This practice in discipline has made me vulnerable to attacks. I knew it full well before I committed. I will stay committed to the discipline, just as I have always stayed committed to trusting that Jesus will pull me through, again. "So look me in the eye and show kindness, give your servant the strength to go on, save your dear, dear child. Make a show of how much you love me so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed, as you, God, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet."
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