Peach & ...

I have been so confused about all this baby stuff. It has me turning in circles. My head is clouded and if God is speaking to me, I am having a hard time hearing it. To help me sort it all out, I have asked close friends to go to the Lord on my behalf and ask Him to give me words. God uses people to share His word and His wisdom and I am trying to surround myself with that idea.

Through one friend, God gave her the words, "name her." Name her? Who? The miscarried babe? Do I have to give her the name that I have held so close? Do I have to bury that name? Is that how I can grieve and move on? I CAN'T! I don't want to, it's too hard!

As Kendal and I mull over these words, we don't know for sure that is what it is for. And so that, that is what I want to trust.

I sat in the boys' room the other night and those words whispered to me again..."name her."

I decided to go with it. I hadn't planned on telling the boys this way, if at all, the little ones anyway. I put "Winnie the Pooh" down and gave my voice a bit more serious of a tone. I said, "Boys, I need to tell you something." They slowed their wiggles and I saw Jonah's brown eyes lock with mine. I told them that, " Mommy has been so sad lately because I had a baby in my tummy and it died, and went to heaven." I brought up that it is the same as it was back in the Fall when it happened the last time. Lucas quickly said, with great concern and frustration, "How many times does this have to happen?!" Sensitive, soft hearted Lucas. I told him, " I don't know, honey." I let them know that Mommy and Daddy may not ever have any more babies. Then they talked about how much they really wanted to have a little sister and I said, " I know, I do too."

And that brought me to, the reason I had brought this subject up...name her.

To name something, gives it meaning, gives it a weight, becomes a marker in the timeline of life. This baby needed to be remembered with it's own, special name. She now has more meaning, legitimacy and understanding for all of us in the Fitchett family.

I told the boys that we, just like the last baby, needed to give this one a name, and I think it would have been a girl. Of course, they quickly start spouting off Wii video game characters, but in a lull of all the other noises, Jonah pipes up and says, "Polly". Yes, Polly. I looked at him and said, "Jonah, that is perfect, we'll name her Polly". A few more suggestions were thrown out there by a 4 year old that desperately wants a sibling named "Sonic". I went with Polly.

She is with her sister, Peach Daisy, in Heaven. What wonderful little sister names, Peach & Polly. What sweet daughters to be seated with Jesus and wait to greet us. I can't wait to hold Peach & Polly, scoop them up, kiss their sweet cheeks, tell them how much I love them and oh how I missed them.

I am so thankful that I have hope in seeing them and to hold them as their Mother.

Sweet Polly.

after thoughts: When Jonah gave the name, Polly, I almost instantly thought of Pollyanna. It is one of my favorite movies. Haley Mills is just so darn cute.

Pollyanna played the "Glad Game" in which she basically gave thanks, even in difficult times. When I remember my Polly, it is a great reminder to give thanks, even when it hurts.