Narcotics

I am about to start a journey that I am terrified to take.  Not many know or understand this path I will be on so it will feel a bit lonely.

I called my Doctor today and told him that I am done with taking narcotics for my chronic pain.  I am so sick of taking pills everyday and the ups and downs of how it makes me feel emotionally, mentally, and the stress it brings on when I run out early.  Not to mention the few days of withdrawal that I experience monthly.

Facing my pain full force is possibly my biggest fear in life.  It affects every detail in my life.  From sitting to trying to stand up.  From laying in bed and sleeping to not sleeping.  Grocery shopping, going to a park, spending the day at the fair, sitting in the car for our 20 hour drive to Canada.  Gosh just naming this things is literally giving me anxiety.  I can feel my heart starting to beat harder and my breathing becoming more shallow.  I'm so so scared.

Here is my hope:

That my Joy in the Lord overshadows my fear of pain.

I beg for you to pray for me and my family as we try out this new journey.  I can't truly swear it off forever because if it gets to a place where I just can't function it wouldn't be worth it.  For now though, this is my plan.