Milestones: Sanctifying, Deserving & His Will
For the past 15-ish months God has been working on my heart in regards to how I view my chronic pain. I've been wanting to share at so many moments during this journey but my words fail me. How do you try and explain something that your brain doesn't fully comprehend? Pardon me while I muddle through.
There have been 3 or 4 "milestones" of sorts (can only remember 3 right now :/ ) where God has prompted topics for me to champion. Of course I cannot fully champion them because I am a poor excuse for a human. I say that in love. I want to share these milestones with bullet points because like I mentioned at the start, my words fail me.
> I am blessed to share in the sufferings of Christ. He has chosen me to have the teeniest tinniest understanding of his pain on the cross. This is how He has chosen to make me more like Him. My sanctification hurts, but its mine. I am blessed with chronic pain because He knows its what I need.
>Deserving. I do not like that word. We deserve nothing! I am not even worthy of my pain because it is too good for me. I am scum of the earth not deserving of happy and healthy children, an incredible husband, a beautiful shelter, full cupboards, a church family, the clothes on my back (and front, thankfully), financial stability or instability, a vacation or a break. I definitely do not deserve Christ's sacrifice. I've done nothing for Him. I am overcome by His grace and intense love for me and you. Intense! I don't deserve the good things or even the bad because they are far beyond too good for me. I've been trying to erase the word "deserve" from my vocabulary. It's proving to be difficult mostly in the sense of someone deserving something bad or a punishment. When someone tells me I deserve something (like a break), in my head I say "No I Don't". I think it is good for me. It's a great reminder of how meaningless I am without Jesus. Thankfully I am worthy, I have meaning, I am loved, I am given all those things listed above because of Jesus' extreme love for me.
> This milestone hits hard. It stems from Milestone #1 of being thankful that I am sharing in the sufferings of Christ. I pray for God's will in my life. Chronic pain is His will for today. Why would I want anything else? He is making me more like Him. Why would I want anything else? I get to experience moments some won't ever experience about Jesus because I see it through Chronic Pain glasses that he prescribed for me, the great physician that He is! (okay, that was totally cheesy but it worked, right?). God is good to me. Why would I want anything else? At this point in my life, it feels like, and so I consider it, a sin to ask for healing. To be healed is not His will for me today. I continue to pray for His will in my life and wonder what's next with great anticipation. Again I say, why would I want anything else?!
There have been 3 or 4 "milestones" of sorts (can only remember 3 right now :/ ) where God has prompted topics for me to champion. Of course I cannot fully champion them because I am a poor excuse for a human. I say that in love. I want to share these milestones with bullet points because like I mentioned at the start, my words fail me.
> I am blessed to share in the sufferings of Christ. He has chosen me to have the teeniest tinniest understanding of his pain on the cross. This is how He has chosen to make me more like Him. My sanctification hurts, but its mine. I am blessed with chronic pain because He knows its what I need.
>Deserving. I do not like that word. We deserve nothing! I am not even worthy of my pain because it is too good for me. I am scum of the earth not deserving of happy and healthy children, an incredible husband, a beautiful shelter, full cupboards, a church family, the clothes on my back (and front, thankfully), financial stability or instability, a vacation or a break. I definitely do not deserve Christ's sacrifice. I've done nothing for Him. I am overcome by His grace and intense love for me and you. Intense! I don't deserve the good things or even the bad because they are far beyond too good for me. I've been trying to erase the word "deserve" from my vocabulary. It's proving to be difficult mostly in the sense of someone deserving something bad or a punishment. When someone tells me I deserve something (like a break), in my head I say "No I Don't". I think it is good for me. It's a great reminder of how meaningless I am without Jesus. Thankfully I am worthy, I have meaning, I am loved, I am given all those things listed above because of Jesus' extreme love for me.
> This milestone hits hard. It stems from Milestone #1 of being thankful that I am sharing in the sufferings of Christ. I pray for God's will in my life. Chronic pain is His will for today. Why would I want anything else? He is making me more like Him. Why would I want anything else? I get to experience moments some won't ever experience about Jesus because I see it through Chronic Pain glasses that he prescribed for me, the great physician that He is! (okay, that was totally cheesy but it worked, right?). God is good to me. Why would I want anything else? At this point in my life, it feels like, and so I consider it, a sin to ask for healing. To be healed is not His will for me today. I continue to pray for His will in my life and wonder what's next with great anticipation. Again I say, why would I want anything else?!
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