Go Run
On Tuesday, I had the Elders of the church come pray over me. I think this may be the 4th time we have had them come. They anointed me with oil and asked for healing. We also prayed for peace, clarity for the surgery decision and that my emotional state would be normal.
Wednesday was kind of a downer day, although it didn't start that way. I had a bit more peace than I had had in a while and was feeling a bit more energetic. My pain was normal, but anything below "flared" can be handled.
As the day went on, my mood dropped out. I don't remember the day too well, but I remember not wanting to talk. I had no energy and my depression had started to take over me, physically. After the boys got into bed, I went into our bedroom and walked to the other side, where I closed the curtains. I then just slowly sat down and then laid completely down on the floor. This is where I stayed for the next 45 minutes, in the dark, laying underneath the window of our bedroom.
I finally mustered up enough strength to get my pajamas on and go down to lay on the couch and watch TV. I laid in the same spot without moving or talking for 30 minutes until I decided to just go to bed.
I went to bed and laid there dozing in and out of sleep for over an hour when Kendal came in and we began to talk about what I was going through. I explained that I felt like my body was giving up and I didn't know what to do with the depression.
I then heard, in my head, "go run".
I laid there wanting to say it out loud to Kendal. I wanted to tell him that I think God was talking to me, but then those words, "go run" became tainted and warped with other thoughts that I knew were being interfered with by satan.
I tried to talk to Kendal but couldn't seem to get the words out. I was taking big breaths and I was communicating with large sighs. Kendal knew I was trying to say something.
We prayed that satan would be bound and get out of there!
He left and I was able to tell Kendal what I had heard from God. I told him, "I heard, 'go run'." I tried to question it, talk through it, reason it away, and while I was doing that I heard, "put your feet on the floor, just put your feet on the floor." It was a gentle nudging, but also said with heart like He was pulling for me. Cheering me on to just put my feet on the floor.
I didn't want to be disappointed if nothing came of it. But at the same time, as my husband pointed out, what's there to lose?
I pulled my heavy body from the deep cushions of our bed and swung my legs over the side. I inched towards the edge and put my feet on the floor. Nothing.
I got up and walked around a bit, and then got back into bed.
I continued to hear, "Go run."
Kendal said, "I think you better run."
We both got up, I donned warmer clothes and my jogging shoes.
It was 11:40 p.m. by this time.
I felt very odd walking outside to run in the dark of the late night. Cars drove by and I'm sure they thought either I was crazy (they'd be right) or Kendal was forcing me to do something against my will because he sat on the stairs to our walkway in front of the house like he was making me get my daily run in.
I started out and ran to the corner that is just one house away. I turned and jogged back, passed our home and continued to the neighbors driveway on the other side of her house. It was pitch black and my gait was off as I couldn't quite tell when my feet were going to hit the pavement. I felt gawky and a little like Phoebe from friends when she went running with Rachel. (Really funny looking ;)
I turned and made my way back to where Kendal was sitting.
He hugged me and said, "do you feel like you are done?"(or something to that effect).
We stood there and I said, "no, I'm still hearing, go run, keep running."
I did the round again. As I came back to Kendal, I heard in my head, "keep running!"
I jogged right past our house and did another round. With knowing that God has a sense of humor, I wondered how long this was going to be and I told Jesus that I was a big girl and couldn't go for very long. I'll assume he chuckled at my wondering.
I ended up doing 5 rounds. After the 5th one I stopped and Kendal had a smile on his face and I said, "what? What are you smiling for?" He said, "you have 2 more."
"What are you talking about? Why?"
He tells me a very quick version of 2 Kings 5. About the man with leprosy dunking himself in the river 7 times before he was healed. It didn't make sense to him because he knew God could heal him just by touching him.
"Naaman’s servants went to him and said, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy." 2 Kings 5:13-14.
This running thing doesn't make sense to me and I know God could heal me just by touching me, I think about it all the time. Yet, I am to be obedient. If God was to ask me to do 'some great thing', I would do it. How much more, then, when he tells me, "Go Run."
I did two more rounds to complete the seven.
As soon as I slowed my pace to almost a stop, I heard, "good job." No sooner did I finish hearing that, I then heard my husband say, "good job."
I told Kendal, that's what Jesus just told me.
I woke up Thursday morning with the most pain I have had in quite some time. I would guess it is what people with no back problems would describe as their back going out. It would be a trip to the doctor or a couple days on the couch for most. Not only was the pain intense in my back, I have horrible nerve pain that goes with it. My pain meds weren't doing much good, laying down hurt, sitting up hurt, it was just a crummy day. Kendal stayed home after lunch to take care of me and help me with my emotional state. My depression seems to be getting the better of me these days. I of course questioned many times why God's obedience would cause more pain when I was praying for healing.
Just over a year ago as I ached for a baby, Kendal and I both heard from the Lord. It was the same message at the same time. We were obedient to Him. We miscarried for a second time shortly after that. I was so confused as to what God had. Here I wanted a baby and I felt like my heart was opened up to more pain. The next month, we were expecting Esther.
I am hopeful that in my obedience to Jesus in running, which caused more pain, He will grant me peace and healing.
I am thankful that the Holy Spirit communicates with us and even when it looks crazy to everyone else, following Him is the best place to be.
Wednesday was kind of a downer day, although it didn't start that way. I had a bit more peace than I had had in a while and was feeling a bit more energetic. My pain was normal, but anything below "flared" can be handled.
As the day went on, my mood dropped out. I don't remember the day too well, but I remember not wanting to talk. I had no energy and my depression had started to take over me, physically. After the boys got into bed, I went into our bedroom and walked to the other side, where I closed the curtains. I then just slowly sat down and then laid completely down on the floor. This is where I stayed for the next 45 minutes, in the dark, laying underneath the window of our bedroom.
I finally mustered up enough strength to get my pajamas on and go down to lay on the couch and watch TV. I laid in the same spot without moving or talking for 30 minutes until I decided to just go to bed.
I went to bed and laid there dozing in and out of sleep for over an hour when Kendal came in and we began to talk about what I was going through. I explained that I felt like my body was giving up and I didn't know what to do with the depression.
I then heard, in my head, "go run".
I laid there wanting to say it out loud to Kendal. I wanted to tell him that I think God was talking to me, but then those words, "go run" became tainted and warped with other thoughts that I knew were being interfered with by satan.
I tried to talk to Kendal but couldn't seem to get the words out. I was taking big breaths and I was communicating with large sighs. Kendal knew I was trying to say something.
We prayed that satan would be bound and get out of there!
He left and I was able to tell Kendal what I had heard from God. I told him, "I heard, 'go run'." I tried to question it, talk through it, reason it away, and while I was doing that I heard, "put your feet on the floor, just put your feet on the floor." It was a gentle nudging, but also said with heart like He was pulling for me. Cheering me on to just put my feet on the floor.
I didn't want to be disappointed if nothing came of it. But at the same time, as my husband pointed out, what's there to lose?
I pulled my heavy body from the deep cushions of our bed and swung my legs over the side. I inched towards the edge and put my feet on the floor. Nothing.
I got up and walked around a bit, and then got back into bed.
I continued to hear, "Go run."
Kendal said, "I think you better run."
We both got up, I donned warmer clothes and my jogging shoes.
It was 11:40 p.m. by this time.
I felt very odd walking outside to run in the dark of the late night. Cars drove by and I'm sure they thought either I was crazy (they'd be right) or Kendal was forcing me to do something against my will because he sat on the stairs to our walkway in front of the house like he was making me get my daily run in.
I started out and ran to the corner that is just one house away. I turned and jogged back, passed our home and continued to the neighbors driveway on the other side of her house. It was pitch black and my gait was off as I couldn't quite tell when my feet were going to hit the pavement. I felt gawky and a little like Phoebe from friends when she went running with Rachel. (Really funny looking ;)
I turned and made my way back to where Kendal was sitting.
He hugged me and said, "do you feel like you are done?"(or something to that effect).
We stood there and I said, "no, I'm still hearing, go run, keep running."
I did the round again. As I came back to Kendal, I heard in my head, "keep running!"
I jogged right past our house and did another round. With knowing that God has a sense of humor, I wondered how long this was going to be and I told Jesus that I was a big girl and couldn't go for very long. I'll assume he chuckled at my wondering.
I ended up doing 5 rounds. After the 5th one I stopped and Kendal had a smile on his face and I said, "what? What are you smiling for?" He said, "you have 2 more."
"What are you talking about? Why?"
He tells me a very quick version of 2 Kings 5. About the man with leprosy dunking himself in the river 7 times before he was healed. It didn't make sense to him because he knew God could heal him just by touching him.
"Naaman’s servants went to him and said, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy." 2 Kings 5:13-14.
This running thing doesn't make sense to me and I know God could heal me just by touching me, I think about it all the time. Yet, I am to be obedient. If God was to ask me to do 'some great thing', I would do it. How much more, then, when he tells me, "Go Run."
I did two more rounds to complete the seven.
As soon as I slowed my pace to almost a stop, I heard, "good job." No sooner did I finish hearing that, I then heard my husband say, "good job."
I told Kendal, that's what Jesus just told me.
I woke up Thursday morning with the most pain I have had in quite some time. I would guess it is what people with no back problems would describe as their back going out. It would be a trip to the doctor or a couple days on the couch for most. Not only was the pain intense in my back, I have horrible nerve pain that goes with it. My pain meds weren't doing much good, laying down hurt, sitting up hurt, it was just a crummy day. Kendal stayed home after lunch to take care of me and help me with my emotional state. My depression seems to be getting the better of me these days. I of course questioned many times why God's obedience would cause more pain when I was praying for healing.
Just over a year ago as I ached for a baby, Kendal and I both heard from the Lord. It was the same message at the same time. We were obedient to Him. We miscarried for a second time shortly after that. I was so confused as to what God had. Here I wanted a baby and I felt like my heart was opened up to more pain. The next month, we were expecting Esther.
I am hopeful that in my obedience to Jesus in running, which caused more pain, He will grant me peace and healing.
I am thankful that the Holy Spirit communicates with us and even when it looks crazy to everyone else, following Him is the best place to be.
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