Thursday Night

Thursday night I fell asleep quickly and very comfortably. I was the perfect temperature, and in that fuzzy state of sleep. I had been very limited on my pain medication for 4 days and had fought bad pain all day in my lounge chair. I had my prescription refilled and was content and cozy and ready to have a peaceful rest. It had been my first full day of Lent and my first night to walk through some anxieties that I was forced to lay at the feet of Jesus and not give in to my medicine cabinet. I fell asleep with no problems.

Around midnight, Silas woke up crying. Kendal got up with him and brought him back to bed with us. The TV was turned on in our room to distract and the horrific news of the Japanese earthquake flooded our screen.

To make a long, very long night (story), short, it was a rough Thursday night. I started out okay with my anxiety and fears but as the night went on, it became stronger and stronger. Sometimes to the point that I was almost paralyzed with fear. So paralyzed that I didn't want to get out of bed to get a drink of water or go into the bathroom. My mind would tell me that if I get out bed, a 9.4 earthquake would probably strike. My fears became so strong, that I couldn't concentrate or find the words to even call out to God. I didn't think that was possible. Great time to give up fear huh? Did you see my last post?! I said I fear Tsunami's!!! ...What's that? A Tsunami warning in Oregon?

A few hours into my sleepless night, a thought, breezed through my mind but was so powerful, because I believe it was whispered by the Holy Spirit. God loves me so much and so desires that I don't live in fear that He, in His sovereignty, placed the idea of giving up fear in my mind a little over 24 hours before devastating news came to the forefront of the world. Little, Lindsay, in all the courage she could muster, said yes, to seeking God, and no to living in fear. That even though this tragic event has nothing to do with me, it still, to Jesus, has everything to do with me. Incredible.

I thank Jesus for speaking gently, urging us to take on challenges that we think we cannot handle. I can't handle it, but He can.

I am still committed to giving up fear and will trust that Jesus will carry me to the other side, living in peace and joy.