6 Days
6 days! Yes, only 6 long days left until we head to the Hospital to meet our little girl. I am really hoping that this time next week it will all be over with. I do enjoy those last pushes, but everything leading up to it can just take a flying leap. I am worried about my epidural because my incision from 2 back surgeries is in the same location and I about pass out any time anyone touches it, so as you can imagine, sticking a needle in my spine and threading that thing into it is a little overwhelming. I will be very very please when that part is over.
These last few years have been very difficult for us with lots of changes, counseling, moving, all the baby drama, and physical pain. All while managing a home, 2 small businesses and 4 sons. Out of all those things that can drag us down the thing that has worn me down most is my physical pain.
It never ceases. There are no breaks, no vacations from it. With that being said, it has worn me down to the point that I seem to have lost my joy somewhere along the way.
I used to walk through a store and be able to smile at strangers, now, strangers smile at me and I try to muster up a half grin. I know I am to happy or excited about something but that is where it stops because it is all overshadowed by pain. I am exhausted. I'm tired of taking medication, I'm tired of my first few steps after standing or laying to look like I am disabled. I'm tired of my hands being clenched and my shoulders holding knots. My spine has changed shape because of how I hold myself and I can't straighten back to normal.
All this to say that, It Needs To Change! I need joy again. I crave it. I have looked at studies about being 25% happier by just counting your blessings. Believe me, I've tried. Over and over again, I try to focus on the positive. I know there is no formal formula but...
Here I go again. In preparing for this new little one, I want to step into this labor and delivery with my heart full of gratitude and my blessings counted. I want my focus to be not on my pain, but on how good God is. This gift that He is giving us in 6 days has been in my heart for years and it is so close to being unwrapped and received into my arms.
My focus for the next 6 days and hopefully carried beyond, will be, to not ask Jesus for anything, but to thank Him for everything. That all day, everyday, I will praise Him for who He is and who I am because of what He has done. I will preach the gospel to myself. I will seek out the positive in all things. This is unnatural for me, a true test of discipline. Of all the things that I need to prepare to do for the arrival of Esther Dorothy Grace is to just be Thankful.
These last few years have been very difficult for us with lots of changes, counseling, moving, all the baby drama, and physical pain. All while managing a home, 2 small businesses and 4 sons. Out of all those things that can drag us down the thing that has worn me down most is my physical pain.
It never ceases. There are no breaks, no vacations from it. With that being said, it has worn me down to the point that I seem to have lost my joy somewhere along the way.
I used to walk through a store and be able to smile at strangers, now, strangers smile at me and I try to muster up a half grin. I know I am to happy or excited about something but that is where it stops because it is all overshadowed by pain. I am exhausted. I'm tired of taking medication, I'm tired of my first few steps after standing or laying to look like I am disabled. I'm tired of my hands being clenched and my shoulders holding knots. My spine has changed shape because of how I hold myself and I can't straighten back to normal.
All this to say that, It Needs To Change! I need joy again. I crave it. I have looked at studies about being 25% happier by just counting your blessings. Believe me, I've tried. Over and over again, I try to focus on the positive. I know there is no formal formula but...
Here I go again. In preparing for this new little one, I want to step into this labor and delivery with my heart full of gratitude and my blessings counted. I want my focus to be not on my pain, but on how good God is. This gift that He is giving us in 6 days has been in my heart for years and it is so close to being unwrapped and received into my arms.
My focus for the next 6 days and hopefully carried beyond, will be, to not ask Jesus for anything, but to thank Him for everything. That all day, everyday, I will praise Him for who He is and who I am because of what He has done. I will preach the gospel to myself. I will seek out the positive in all things. This is unnatural for me, a true test of discipline. Of all the things that I need to prepare to do for the arrival of Esther Dorothy Grace is to just be Thankful.
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