We got a phone call late this morning and Kendal answered. I knew something sad had happened and then as I kept listening in, something sad was about to happen. I could hear him saying that he would "try to find someone to do that." As I always do, I try and figure out what is going on and how I can help in that moment. Talking to Kendal in one ear while he is listening to the caller in the other. I am sure he is a fan of that ;)
Kendal quickly pulled the phone away from his ear and said that Pastor Doug, our calling Pastor to seniors was needing for a gal to come and sit with a lady in our church family that would inevitably be passing away soon. The word was, that her kidneys were starting to shut down and hospice would be coming in soon. As Kendal and I were brain storming and thinking who could pick up and go, I felt that tug.
I sat down at the dinner table in front of my computer which I had just opened to start planning my 3rd sons' birthday party. It's next Saturday and I haven't lifted a finger in planning it yet. So, my plan was to get that completed, start to finish. Then I was going to piddle around with some new bracelet ideas that I had found on Pinterest.
I stared at the screen, actually just left of the screen, onto my brightly patterned table cloth. It was still there from the small birthday party we held for our housemate the night before. Above my head was a sweet garland of polka dots glued onto bakers twine. I was quite cozy and content to stay right there for quite a long time, but the tug didn't pass. I knew it was me that needed to go.
I got up and started to explain my reasons for going and, for not wanting to go. I had stayed in bed longer this morning because I was in so much pain. I didn't know what to expect with the sweet woman I would be sitting with, would I be an emotional mess, would I be able to handle an emergency, and on and on my brain went.
I ran upstairs to rouge my cheeks and flatten my bangs, my wet hair went up into its regular bun and Kendal called Pastor Doug to free him of the responsibility of finding someone.
My husband was sweet enough to encourage me to be gone, even though it was his day off, plus all kids were home because of flooding. I am sure his plans had to change in that moment as well. Thankful for a husband that can flex in times like these.
~~~
I walked into the room at The Oaks and she was sitting up at her little bar by the kitchen eating some jello. She looked stronger than I had anticipated. Her son and two grandchildren had made it there just before I had.
I leaned over to tell her "Hello" and she came back at me with, "who are you!?" I told her that my name is Lindsay and I am Pastor Kendal's wife. She said, "Oh, when did that happen?" When did what happen?, I responded. "When did you get married?"...12 years ago, I told her.
It was apparent, I wasn't going to be remembered...and that's just fine.
I had great conversation with her granddaughter and we connected on a few different life lessons, challenges and things we grieve. She lost her mother to Parkinsons only 2 years prior, and I could identify a bit, having lost my Grandpa to the same disease in 2006. She was a gal that knew how to draw near to those that hurt, she teared up at all the appropriate times, touched when needed and spoke kind and gently always. It was very evident that she has walked the path of grief and knows how to carry others hearts, well.
I encouraged the family to go and have a meal and I would sit with Nancy. They left, I sat.
I asked Nancy if there was anything that she would like to do, watch TV, I could read to her, I could get her some of her family photos to look through and she just looked at me with gentle eyes and made what sounds she could to say that she would like me to read. I told her that I could read from the Bible, or some good fun stories from my new Readers Digest. She smiled as if she wanted to giggle. I told her that I would love to read my Grandpa's favorite chapter from the Bible, Romans 8. She nodded.
I opened up Kendal's Bible (it was the smallest I could find on the way out the door), to chapter 8 in Romans. It came back to me, that I read this while my Grandpa was in the hospital a couple years before he passed away. He cried. I bawled.
As I read, I would look up at her when I wanted to emphasize words and key sentences. The first time I looked up at her, I recognized that she was zoned in. She perked up, was sitting a little more straight in her mustard yellow floral chair and we connected. Tears flowed from my eyes and even though I wiped them away, it was hard to see past my constant filling eyes. I read the full chapter and every time I looked up, she connected with my eyes. She would nod at certain points in full agreement.
I don't know if it was from that, or something else, but until I left 90 minutes later, she was the most alert and had seen her the whole time. Before that, she dozed on and off, and choked and coughed quite a bit.
Her daughter and son-in-law came to see her after I had just closed the Bible and as we warmed up to each other over the next 90 minutes they both said that this is the most alert she had been all week. It didn't dawn on me then, but now as I write, I see it. She was delighting herself in the Lord. Her daughter is not a believer and doesn't want anything to do with the Lord. I could sense some tension between her and I and I believe it was because of the whole "christianity" thing. But by the time I left, I gave her a long hug and she broke. Tears flowed, I told her that I would be praying for her and she said, with weakness and sadness in her voice, "thank you."
I knelt down next to Nancy and told her that I would see her later, I told her it was "date night" and I didn't want to miss out ;) She gave a small chuckle. I told her how wonderful of a woman she is and how pretty she looks today. She smiled again and told me, " you don't know me." I told her, "certainly I do." I reminded her of how many people love her and are thankful for her. I stood up and she grabbed my hand and kissed it. She said, "lets do this again." I told her, "we will." Oh, bless her heart. I made mention of her pretty dress she was wearing and that it was Friday night and you never know what will happen on Friday night but she was dressed up and ready to go.
I walked to the door with my body still facing Nancy, I continued to wave, she had turned as much of her body towards me as she could and continued saying goodbye. I opened, the door, slipped out, heard the door click behind me, and made the biggest, ugliest crying face you have ever seen. A tear or two fell, and then I walked.
I walked out to my car, fast, to get home and be with my better half. It had been 5 plus hours of sitting in the pain of their stories of all who passed before them, lots of tears flowed, and now the anticipation of another loved one leaving this earthly place.
I told him about the whole day and how blessed I am to have been there. I shared that I had prayed all day that I would have "been something" to the family today. I prayed they would feel comforted, loved, cared for, and mostly, the presence of the Lord. But, I got so much out of today. I was honored to have sat with a woman that will soon be in the presence of the Lord. How lucky she is ;)
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