Lent Started Yesterday

Lent started yesterday, I remembered because I saw all the cars pulling into the Catholic church. Yeah, I'm observant like that.

This time last year, I posted about lent and how I had planned on giving up *Fear* for Lent.

(Lent 2011)

I was just wanting to update you on it. Was I able to abstain from it from there on out?

I am happy to share with you that it isn't all gone, I still am not first in line to spend the night on the ocean or catch a flight to Disneyland, (or anywhere for that matter). But I am no longer on any anti-anxiety medications.

With practicing over and over again, changing the direction of my thinking, trusting that God has that thing that paralyzes me under control, I can fall asleep without my heart racing. I can say yes to a couple more things in life because fear doesn't rule over me all. the. time!

We have the opportunity to go to the beach for a conference in a week or two. Kendal and I love going to this conference. We love so many people that we have met through CBNorthwest, and they are all there in one spot! Plus, who doesn't want a few days along with their spouse at a hotel that their wonderful church pays for? This CBNorthwest conference is so encouraging and we always come back feeling like we can step back into ministry, rested and a little more life breathed into us.

Kendal approached me on this a week or so ago, asking if I may be willing to go. I told him that I would earnestly pray about it.

Last Friday we were getting ready for a quick trip up to Vancouver. As I was showering, I heard the words, "Don't go." I thought back, "to Vancouver?" "No, the beach." What?? I was confused and of course the only thing I could think of was the conference.

I would have thought for sure this would be a challenge that I was going to have to take. That I, once again, was going to have to clinch my jaw and march towards fear. I had already brain stormed babysitting(it's hard to get 4 kids watched overnight sometimes), and how many days we would have to take kids out of school(a lot of guilt with that one) and where I could stay that I felt at least a little bit comfortable(ugh...*logistics*).

But, it seems, that I won't get to, this time. It is hard because we do miss out. Miss out on fellowship with the big group, relaxing, and enjoy good food and conversation. I will miss time together with Kendal, sleeping in, enjoying the beach (in the daylight) and the arcade (this girl Loves ski-ball). Plus, I have to admit, I am jealous of our fellow Pastors that do get to go while we stay home and do our routine. Apparently I need to be praying for said jealousy.

Anyways, I guess what I am saying is, that last year, I was intentional about giving something up that didn't just stick with me for the 40 days, it has been a continual practice. I was able to give up a lot of my night time anxiety. It's not all gone, but I am working on it. I'll get there.

This year, I want to give up something else that will stick the 40 days, the rest of the year and beyond. Today, the words, "wrong thinking" kept popping into my head. So that's what it is. I am going to be intentional about giving up "wrong thinking." I have a bad habit of thinking I am less than. I am going to 'preach the gospel' to myself, daily, I'm sure. As long as I am a daughter of the Heavenly Father, than I am accepted. If I am accepted, than what does it matter what anyone else thinks. I am going to Trust that I am who God says I am. "There is no joy without trust." A. Voskamp. Think I will find joy? So, conclusion, getting rid of wrong thinking will equal joy? We'll see.

Yes, it would be nice to give up sugar or TV, but I want something that can last forever. Just like choosing Christ, I suppose. It's easy to choose the quick fix that makes you feel good, like eating less for 40 days, but maybe we can go beyond that and challenge ourselves to change behavior, because that is for the better....forever. Of course, this cannot be done without the help of the Holy Spirit.

I will probably need to come up with some ways of escaping my poor and wrong ways of thinking and my first plan of action is for the Holy Spirit to remind me of what I am doing and do. it. different!