Restaurant Discussions

...I sit at a booth in a dimly lit restaurant with my husband of 11 1/2 years. The food is good, the conversation better. We needed a bit of a breather, away from our kids and the needs of home, jewelry and church. Both of us have had heavy hearts the past few weeks and we both feel the weight of it. It is in these times that we are honest, candid about our brokenness. I express anger that I have carried in my heart towards those that have hurt me, or the circumstances I find myself in. I tell of how I thought life would be different. Disappointments, and heartaches are at the forefront, I grieve. We talk about the need of rejoicing even as we wade through the heaviest of days, but there isn't a whole lot of light for me in that idea. We discuss how we, as Christians, hear of a need, like needing a job or someone dealing with depression and our quick response is to say "we will pray that a new job would be found," or that "the dark days would pass." Our need to fix and resolve what aches, is what we strive for. If we can just help someone get better, then life will be okay again. Right?

Time after time we rely on praying to Jesus to fix things and once He does, THEN we rejoice. We don't sit gracefully for very long if there is discomfort. We look at our imperfections, such as heartaches, physical pains, etc. and think they are detrimental. We think, only by having a job will there be food on our table or shoes on our feet. These so called, negative issues in our life need fixing, and in a hurry.

We ask him to fix our physical pain so we will fall in line with what we think is the norm and we ask him to fix our heartaches so we don't have to feel the pain anymore. How many times is it going to take for me/us to recognize that I/we need to rejoice in Jesus with my/our ailments firmly in place, without jobs that bring home an income, in the midst of heartaches and "ugly cries."

My better half and I discuss how Jesus wires some people for specific imperfection and in that imperfect state it drives us to our knees. That those who deal with depression may never have the haze lifted, but can still praise Jesus.

As I continued to think of all the "good" reasons Jesus allows me to sit in some very uncomfortable emotional and physically challenging places, I begin to start turning my anger and frustration into thanksgiving. I start to envision a heart that gives thanks because of hardships...not in spite of them.

How much would our outlook change if we, as believers, changed our approach to prayer and thanksgiving?

Instead of praying that things would subside or get better, we do it different and we challenge it. To reference the idea of looking for a job, being able to challenge the looker by asking, does your job provide your food, or does Jesus? If we trust that our ultimate provider is Jesus, the job may or may not come, but our thanksgiving has to increase, because he still provides.

If we can see our hardships in light of Jesus, our hearts and our thanksgiving have to become more substantial, heartfelt, contagious, radical, transparent, authentic, genuine, humbled. I assume our hearts would have their own gravitational pull. That those now drawn in by our Thanksgiving during hardships would catch on and we could start honest conversations about how to trust Jesus and his Gospel more.

I know hardships will still wash over us. Some will stay and some will be fleeting. May they produce perseverance. I trust that my character is being fine tuned. I will close my eyes tonight with hope on the horizon. I will awake tomorrow not disappointed because my heart is full of the Holy Spirit.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5